I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
