I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
