her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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