I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
