Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
