Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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