I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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