we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
