I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
