theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
50% drunk capacity currently
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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