Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
