everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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