I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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