The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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