What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
