if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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