Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
