And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
