i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
