I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
