she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
