I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
