I think my vagina is haunted
I skipped work to stalk him.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize