We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
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btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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