He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
