I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
