hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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