Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Enjoy the penises
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
