my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ugly people sure do ruin things
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
