Banned from zoo.
Again?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
