Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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