just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
