Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
