When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
