Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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