you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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