I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
