His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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