wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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