People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
