it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
