We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
