seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
