Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
True strength comes from lack of pants
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
