I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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