This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
