the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
