Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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