I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
