I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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