i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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