She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
