Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
