Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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