I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
