I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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