i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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