At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
