It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
