It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
