wrigley field is MILF paradise
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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