and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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