i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
