JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
