Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
