All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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