New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
