Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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