Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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